A hypothetical situation...


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Posted by Josh Calkin on January 07, 2003 at 23:09:34:

Your tuba is tragically run over by a steam roller. After shedding a few quiet tears and turning the old instrument into a handsome clock, you take the offending driver of said construction equipment to court and win a large sum of money. Thus armed, you go on a shopping spree for a new horn. At a reputable dealer, you play tubas all day, and narrow the choices down to three:

Tuba A: has the sound you've always dreamed of. It's so warm, big, round and fuzzy, you want to cuddle up to it on your couch. Everyone in the shop stops what they are doing and asks who the phenom is who's playing the tuba, so splendid is the tone. The horn is average in tuning. The only problem is, the articulation is less than clean, and you "fwump" and "splee-ah" many more notes than you care to. With about 35 years of hard work on articulation, you are pretty sure you can improve the situation.

Tuba B: has the cleanest articulation you've ever played. The thing speaks so easily it practically plays itself, and you sound like a virtuoso violinist, the notes fly from the bell so fast. Everyone in the shop stops what they are doing and asks who the phenom is who's playing the tuba, so agile is the horn. The tuba has a basic vanilla tone, nothing to write home about. The only problem is, the tuba is so out of tune you may as well not even have valves to begin with. Some pitches that ought to be a half step apart sound enharmonic. With about 35 years of hard work on slide manipulation, you are pretty sure you can improve the situation.

Tuba C: is the most in tune tuba you've ever heard. Every note is perfectly in tune, seemingly even if you play the wrong one. Everyone in the shop stops what they are doing and asks who the phenom is who's playing the tuba, so in tune is the instrument. The articulation is average, and the tuba speaks reasonably well. The only problem is, the tone is pretty poor. The tuba sounds like someone playing a bass trombone with a bari sax mouthpiece, and all your searches for objects lodged in the instrument have been in vain. With about 35 years of hard work on the basics of tone production, you are pretty sure you can improve the situation.

The horns all cost the same amount, and you can only afford one. It makes no difference what key the things are in, and changing mouthpieces affects no changes in any of the horns whatsoever. Oh, and they are all the same manufacturer. Which do you buy and why?


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