Posted by Tom Eshelman on December 14, 1999 at 13:12:37:
THE MONSTER TUBA MASH
I was working in my shop late one night
When I grafted a Gronitz on a King Upright
I took some valves from old Rudy's, three for each hand
then I blew a few notes to see what I had
(It was an E) It was a Monster E
(a triple E) hooked to a double B
(a double B) in tune in any key
('tweighed 83) It was a Monster E
To my small workshop in the lower northeast
People came from afar to have a look at the beast
They brought me their old Conns, Yorks, and Keefers
So I could combine them into double triple eefers
(They're now all E's) They're now all Monster E's
(they're triple E's) hooked up with double B's
(yes double Bs) with 14 water keys
(they weigh 83) they're all now Monster E's
Sellmansburger was having fun, the party had just begun
The guests included Kleinstuber, Sam Gnagey, and Dr. Young
The scene was rocking, all were digging the sound
of Kelly O backed by his Fifth Bass clowns :-)
Howard Johnson and Gravity were about to arrive
With their vocal group The Holton Chopping Five
(They all brought E's) They all brought Monster E's
(yes triple E's) hooked up with double B's
(yes double B's) in tune in any key
(weighing 83) they all had Monster E's
Out from Arizona, Pat Sheridan's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He put down his Bon-bons and cried angrily
"Whatever happened to my 983?"
(It's now an E) It's now a Monster E
(a triple E) hooked to a double B
(a double B) in tune in any key
('tweighs 83) It's now a Monster E
Now everything's cool Pat's a part of the band
And my monster double tuba is the hit of the land
For you, the amateur, this fun was meant too
Just get yourself some junkers, a torch, and some glue,
(And build an E) yes build a Monster E
(a triple E) hooked to a double B
(a double B) in tune in any key
('twill weigh 83) your very own Monster E
Tom Eshelman