Posted by Klaus on August 15, 2002 at 19:49:08:
In Reply to: ContrabassBass Tuba posted by Eric on August 15, 2002 at 18:14:36:
Of course this pre-release of a patent application, covering the Falklands and South Georgia (but not the Malvinas), from the RD department of the major Tristan da Cunha industrial conglomerate producing rubbers, aluminiums, and brasses is not fair to my employers, for whom I work as a chief research consultant.
However the cries from tuba player's spouses/parents/kids/employers/tax-reviewers have not gone unnoticed:
There is a global demand for a multipitch tuba!
The present prototypes, very functional as they are, are constructed out of an inflatable double-walled rubber and aluminium composite, to which there has been applied a brass plating (just for the sake of realism in the view-by-the-public department).
Bassically the moderately inflated instrument will be in F. A slack in pressure will take it up the rare Mirabobium pitch of G.
Further inflation will take it to the pitches Eb through GG. The later much appreciated and endorsed by Leland of the river feeding the Dead Sea.
The inflation can happen by spray can, foot pump, several current diver's gears, FiniLec, and last (and explicitely least) the players lungs.
A special tuning feature is this one: If a player plays sharp due to excessive air speed cum pressure through the very sensitive throat of the specially commissioned Mike Finnnn XFSYDR 995 mouthpiece, the excess air is diverted to the human inflation mechanism, so that the tuba will swell sufficiently to take the pitch down to that of its musical surroundings.
The project is not entirely finished yet, even if we have gotten the permission by the Hoover administration to use their patents to craft a frictionless airborne valve action.
We have considered to employ Rick Denyeverything for the accomplishment of the final engineering enigmas. However his nightcare mom, a beautiful redhead, warned us, that a project of exactly this nature might cause his already inflated ego to go beyond its burst limit.
Instead we have been advised to go for a eugenistic Oregon company, that would have the capacities to stuff up our tubas sufficiently to make them playable.
You will all be informed when this tuba goes into regular production. And when there will be commercially available instruments after our planned 137 years scheme for a true Antarctic standard cryogenic treatment of even our non-custom models.
Klaus