Re: In-laws


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Posted by Jay Bertolet on April 19, 2001 at 08:07:25:

In Reply to: In-laws posted by Frustrated on April 19, 2001 at 00:35:28:

I know it's no comfort to you now but this is exactly why I tried not to get seriously involved with anyone until I knew where I was going to land a job. That way, I could meet someone who already lived and worked where I did and avoid the whole mess completely. Of course, that strategy has disadvantages too because her attachments to this locale is why I didn't even submit an application for the Boston job. You makes your choices...

I would definitely mention the fact that there are only about 40-60 full time paying jobs in the US for playing tuba. That is some pretty exclusive company in a population of 225 million. I wouldn't sweat the income imbalance at all. My wife is a physician and makes much more than I do. As long as you openly respect each other, the money issue really isn't one. The other thing you could do is promise to schedule regular vacations to visit her parents. Is your new gig a full 52 week season? Usually they aren't which leaves you with quite a bit of free time in the summers (usually). Ironically, it will be easier for you to make time to visit the folks than her since most employers frown upon employees taking weeks off from work at a time. I wouldn't waste any time trying to explain the music business to her parents. It is just too incomprehensible for someone who doesn't have "the spark" to understand. I would ask them if they would have the same attitude if you were going to be a priest and had to move away to start your own church. Coincidentally, you'd probably end up making about the same money doing that. Explain that tuba is your calling and that you go where the job calls you. Or you don't pursue your calling. If her parents can't understand that, I pity you having to put up with them. Parents whose primary concern isn't their child's happiness are tough to deal with.

Best of luck to you!


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